CORNERSHOP is brought to you by Hydraprojects
Cornershop is a head-fuck. It’s the shop of the future, the shop of the apocalypse. Shopping for your mind.
Before you enter Cornershop you may want to check your beliefs – in case they get shredded. Cornershop is an apocalyptic version of the traditional British cornershop. The shop on the corner.
Inside Cornershop you can feed your metaphysical gambling addiction with the Metaphysical Lottery. Or try our range of “Scratch My Belief” scratch cards.
Cornershop is fab and kinky.
Cornershop sells a range of fresh produce. We have a Fresh Grocery with the emphasis on gross. A butchery where everything is home killed.
Try our our “Inglish ethnic” selection and a range of other delightful produce including Vegan Free Ale – handcrafted by omnivores.
Cornershop also stocks the magazines you really want to read. The magazines you really need to read. From top brow intellectual stuff such as Transubstantiation Review to low brow filth with the latest issue of Barely Legal MILFs magazine. If it is animals you are into then we have titles for young and old. Triple Ex Equine for the horse lovers and for the younger ones we have “Animals and You” magazine. It has a free pet in every issue. This month it’s locusts.
If that doesn’t tickle your fancy or we don’t have it in stock why don’t you visit our dark web portal. With three layers of encryption to make sure your dark web shopping experience doesn’t come back and bite you. You can order weapons, drugs, human meat or even a contract killing. Just open an account today and make Postman Pat your partner in crime.
Cornershop is also the place where you can advertise your wares in our shop window, for a small consideration. You can see the advertisements from other locals like you who want to sell you their tat and other things you don’t need.
Cornershop is a place where shoplifting is tolerated, but only one item per customer.
Cornershop is fab and kinky.
Cornershop is the shop of the future. Cornershop is the shop of the apocalypse. Don’t forget to collect your receipt. Even our till receipts are a revelation.
We’ve also got an amazing line of confectionary. We have a range of “Sweet Belief Bars”. Each bar is a belief so your soul doesnt go hungry when you stuff your face with our surprisingly chocolatey value chocolate. Try the séance bar if you believe in the life of the spirit, or the Karma Bar if you think that everything that goes around, comes around.
Why not try our chewing gum? Camel Balls chewing gum – they taste just like falafel. Toro balls chewing gum – they taste like paella.
Lick to suck on something, try our apoca lollipops. With a sign designed by Salvador Dali, they are sure to leave you gagging for more.
Why not try our cosmetics? Lipsticks from Apocalypstic – make sure you look good for the apocalypse.
We also have a range of room odourisers in our Parfume de Popper display. Odourise your room but remember not to inhale.
We take good care of our customers, that’s why we use CCTV to monitor every move that you make. There is a fine line between browsing and loitering and we know just where that line is and when you have crossed it.
Cornershop. Everyone is welcome, except guide dogs and other animals who think they are special.
Cornershop. It’s shopping for your mind.
Brought to you by the shopkeepers of the apocalypse.
And ex-page 3 stunner, Trish Dee